The third reason people have trouble finding happiness is:

Their addiction (instead of preference) to money, security, ego and power limits their capability of finding happiness.

The difference between an addiction and a preference is an addiction is something you will never have enough.  A preference is something you would like to have, but if you don't get it you are able to move on.

Everybody wants money. However, some people are addicted to it - can you spell Donald Trump.  Being addicted to money will get you to make decisions that will get you more money - not more happiness.  I prefer to have money, but if I don't have more, I will live on what I have. I will always have food to eat, air to breath and shelter.

Everybody wants security. However, some people are addicted to it and because of that addiction they stop taking risks, making decisions, and/or making changes that could lead to happiness. They often live in a self defined box fearing to go outside because they might have to give up their security blanket.  I prefer to have security (who wouldn't), but I'm not going to stop doing the things that might lead to my happiness because I'm fearful of impacting my security. 

Everybody wants ego and power rewards. However, some people are addicted to it - again, can you spell Donald Trump.  Being addicted to power and ego will never lead to happiness.  You will be defined by how the outside world sees you.  You are addicted to the ego and power because you want "them" to believe you are "da man" (or "da woman").  My next blog will give you insight into how being concerned by the outside world affects your happiness - look for it.  I prefer to have power and ego.  It's nice to have the outside world look up to me.  However, I love myself just the way I am.  I don't need the outside world telling me I'm great - I know I'm great.  

The purpose of money is the ability to shop till you drop - WRONG. The purpose of money is the ability to create security - WRONG.  The purpose of money is the ability to have the outside world wish they were you - WRONG.  The real purpose of money is CHOICE. 

In a free and democratic society, having money gives you choices.  You can choose to buy stuff.  You can choose to keep it in the bank so you feel secure.  You can choose to show the outside world how much money you have so they will look up to you.  All of those things and many others are your choice the more money you have.  If you have less money you will have less choices.

The real issue here is will you make choices that lead to your happiness? If your goal is to put your happiness in second position while you strive for more money, that's the wrong choice.  If you choose to not use your money for happiness so you can feel more secure, that's the wrong choice. If you choose to spend more money than you have so you look good to others, that's the wrong choice.

I prefer more money so I have more choices.  I love my life just the way it is.  If I hit the lottery, my first choice would be to help others who have less choices.  My first choice would not be to buy new cars, houses, and bling.  My first choice would also not be to put most of it in the bank so I would never run out of it. Also, I would never use my new wealth to become something other than Kenny.  Kenny is fabulous.  People love Kenny.  Why would I screw up the happiness I give others and they give to me just because I have more money.  I'm Kenny and I will always be Kenny - rich or poor. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people who would give it all away. If I won enough money, I would buy new stuff and put enough away to feel secure, however that would not be my first choice because I'm happy with what I have now.

Security is a wild card when it comes to happiness.  Everybody wants to feel secure.  Everybody wants security for their family.  However, addiction to security can get you to live your life in a way that you don't put happiness as your first objective.

Most of us get the strong need for security from our parents.  As we watch them struggle financially, we grow with this need to feel secure.  If our parents were or are addicted to security it got transferred into us.  If our parents didn't use the money they have to build a happier life because they felt the money made them secure - we can wind up the same.  If our parents never left the box they created because the outside world was either too scary or might impact their security - we might create a box for ourselves.

If being secure truly makes you happy - I support that.  If living in your self defined box truly makes you happy - I support that.  However, make sure you are looking at your life without wearing blinders.  It's easy to never take a risk, never make difficult decisions and/or make major changes.  Not doing so will limit your risk to have a secure life.  What you need to be real about is that it may also limit the happiness that is available to you if you are willing to take a few baby steps outside your security zone.

Are you in a job that you hate because it might impact your security if you make a change?  Are you in a loveless marriage or relationship that does not make you happy because it might impact your security if you make a change?  Are you not spending money and your time on doing something (like traveling, doing something creative, starting a side venture, etc.) that might make you happy because it might impact you and your family's security?

This is why security is a double edged sword.  On the one edge we all want it.  By feeling secure we feel happy.  However, the other edge of the security sword could stop us from increasing the happiness that is within our reach.  Life is too short, I choose to not let my strong desire to be totally secure affect my decisions, changes and risk taking to get all the happiness I deserve.  I'm not going to blow it all. I going to put some aside, but, I'm going to use what I can afford toward happiness.  I don't want to spend the next years of my life being unhappy because I made every decision based upon security.

WHICH SIDE OF THE SWORD ARE YOU ON?

Addiction to power and ego will never lead to happiness.  This is you living your life through the outside world.  It's an empty happiness.  You are trying to fill a void inside you with your need to have the outside world look up to you, envy you or be afraid of you. 

You will never fill that void because an addiction, by definition, means you will never have enough.  You will go through life trying to fill a never ending hole in your mind.  Your focus will be on your addiction not on your happiness.  JFK was asked: "mister president, why do you wear off the rack suits?"  JFK said: "when you are the president, you don't have to look like the president." 

If you are confident in who you are, you don't need the outside world to tell you are great and powerful.  My next blog (under "Happiness The Forgotten Ingredient") will discuss how the addiction to how you are perceived by the outside world affects you happiness.  Look for it soon.